what happens when u are utterly depressed?

even the slightest thing can make u go nuts..

and even i cant contact dear.. i start to feel more depress.. that i started thinking about everything.. and its more towards the negative path..

it just dawn upon mi that fate is always not on mi and dear's side.. whenever something really terrible hit mi.. he is always just right not around.. ya.. like wat he say.. how is he supposed to know if i dont say.. but it so happened whenever i wanted to call n just share my things.. he just happen not to be there...

all these while.. i have been picking myself up after all these shits.. n i keep questioning myself why must all these happen to me..

and it brings mi to another point that either he doesnt really understand mi.. or he doesnt know how to tackle mi when i am feeling down.. or mayb i have already close myself up...

i have been crying the whole day.. can i learn to adopt a dont-care attitude about everything? plz tell mi how to..